Marriage can
be wonderful – and frustrating.
There are no
perfect marriages for the simple reason that there are no perfect people, and
no one person can satisfy all of one’s needs. The difficulty of achieving a
workable marriage is compounded enormously by genetic differences between any
two persons. Their environmental backrounds are different, as are their
personalities, needs, goals, drives, and emotional responses.
A young
woman may know intellectually that it is impossible for two imperfect people to
achieve a perfect marriage, yet at a deep feeling level she entertains a
romantic dream of perfect fulfillment whit a husband who is gentle and
considerate, yet strong and wise – a man who will meet all her needs. She wants
to be protected, cherished, loved, yet she desires complete freedom and autonomy.
She will often push and test the limits just to make sure they are there, and
to test her husbands strength. She receives a sense of security from knowing
that he is strong to know what is expected of her, but without limiting her
freedom of choice. She wants to be appreciated and to have her self-identity
reinforced by oft-repeated signs of recognition, approval and affection.
She wants,
basically to be helper, not the boss, but she will seem to seek dominance as
she pushes and tests. She desires to control within her own sphere, which
involves the home and children, yet she needs a husband’s concern and strength.
She wants her “sphere of influence” to be reasonably flexible, depending upon
her fluctuating emotional needs; she wants to have affection expressed in many
ways, both great and small.
Cecil G. Osborne, D.D
