Thursday, June 28, 2012

The art of understanding your mate

Marriage can be wonderful – and frustrating.
There are no perfect marriages for the simple reason that there are no perfect people, and no one person can satisfy all of one’s needs. The difficulty of achieving a workable marriage is compounded enormously by genetic differences between any two persons. Their environmental backrounds are different, as are their personalities, needs, goals, drives, and emotional responses.
A young woman may know intellectually that it is impossible for two imperfect people to achieve a perfect marriage, yet at a deep feeling level she entertains a romantic dream of perfect fulfillment whit a husband who is gentle and considerate, yet strong and wise – a man who will meet all her needs. She wants to be protected, cherished, loved, yet she desires complete freedom and autonomy. She will often push and test the limits just to make sure they are there, and to test her husbands strength. She receives a sense of security from knowing that he is strong to know what is expected of her, but without limiting her freedom of choice. She wants to be appreciated and to have her self-identity reinforced by oft-repeated signs of recognition, approval and affection.
She wants, basically to be helper, not the boss, but she will seem to seek dominance as she pushes and tests. She desires to control within her own sphere, which involves the home and children, yet she needs a husband’s concern and strength. She wants her “sphere of influence” to be reasonably flexible, depending upon her fluctuating emotional needs; she wants to have affection expressed in many ways, both great and small.
Cecil G. Osborne, D.D

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